Best Kept To Self
by TheConjuringMind
Summary: Spike throws Buffy for a loop when he confesses his feelings for her, and has her questioning the role he plays in her life, as well as the alleged feelings she has for him. Spuffy. AU.


**Author's Note: An old story of mine I found a while back, thought I'd post it.**

 **Disclaimer: I Don't Own Buffy The Vampire Slayer.  
**

* * *

He shouldn't have said anything.

Simple as that.

If he would've just kept his big trap shut, she wouldn't be having these _'feelings'_ for him like this.

Or, _thinking_ that she had feelings for him, more like.

Just the thought of even possibly wanting _anything_ to do with that despicable creature appalled her.

He was a beast.

A monster.

A _demon_.

Sure, a _vampire_ nonetheless, but that didn't mean much.

What would make him think even in the _slightest_ , that she would want anything to do with a vampire?

And a _relationship_ of all things? She already had her fair share of failed relationships as it was, what would be the point of adding yet another one to the list?

Although she couldn't say that she'd _never_ had a relationship with a vampire before, this particular vampire was different. Spike was _nothing_ like Angel. He didn't really care about her, or how she felt about him. He didn't even have a _soul_. He was just a walking shell of what he used to be, or could have been. Nothing more.

So why did she feel like this?

Why did she feel like she was being drawn towards him? Why did she even have to question whether or not she liked him, or that there was indeed a possibility of them having a relationship in the first place?

She didn't know.

And she certainly had no idea when her alleged feelings for him had even manifested.

It didn't make any sense.

She always hated Spike.

For the longest time he was her biggest enemy.

The thorn in her side, the throbbing in her head, the source of nearly all the terror in Sunnydale, and almost all her life's problems.

But now...

What _was_ he?

She figured it would be best to look back on all their previous 'interactions'.

What had he done to _her?_

Well, other than make her earlier life a living _Hell_ , with constant chaos and mayhem?

She thought real hard on it.

He _did_ keep Dawn and her mother safe while she went out and fought Sunnydale's next big threat. He'd also kept Dawn safe another time when she'd run away from home. And she knew for a _fact_ that he'd taken more than a few scratches and scrapes for the sake of saving her life.

Dang it! Why did her life have to be so complicated all the time?

For once, couldn't she have to make an easy decision?

The answer to that question? No, she couldn't.

Because that wasn't the way life was.

At least, not for Buffy Summers.

 _Everything_ had to be complicated.

Or evil.

Or complicated _and_ evil.

She inwardly groaned.

While Buffy was lost in inconclusive thoughts and denial, Spike decided it was the perfect time to break the silence, and took a small step forward, leaving him barely a foot away from her face.

"Come on Luv, what do you feel?" he said easily, leaning his face down to hers, not caring at all about invading her personal space.

He gazed at her affectionately, leaving himself vulnerable to her chastising, and she glared daggers back at him.

It didn't take more than a few seconds for her to roughly shove him away, and finally find her voice amidst all the confusion.

"Disgust!" She exclaimed, nerves on end. "That's what I feel, Spike. Did you honestly think that I could possibly harbor feelings for _you_ in even the tiniest cell in my body? A monster like yourself-"

Spike was quick to interrupt.

"I'm no monster!" He snapped at her.

She stared back at him, dumbfounded.

Did he really think of himself as some sort of _saint?_

She scoffed.

" _What?"_ he demanded. "Don' believe me? 'ave you not seen all the things I've done?"

"Oh, I've seen them," she shot back, crossing her arms. "And I know _exactly_ what you've done."

He looked at her in frustration.

"Well, then you mus' know all the good I've done too, am I right?" he tried, desperately.

"A few good deeds isn't going to change who you are Spike, _or_ how I look at you. I'd think _you_ of all people would know that." She said, venom practically dripping from her mouth as she turned on her heel, and left him there to wallow in his defeat.

"I'll wait for you to come around..." He muttered to himself as he put his hands in his jacket's pockets and stalked off elsewhere.

"I know you will."


End file.
